I've never been closer to killing myself
but I'll stay here to hold you down
I want to be so much worse
I should deny you all so much more
I am an idiot
these are my failures
I do not want to get better
I want to be so much worse
I don't look forward
I only look back
I am not present
I've never been closer to killing myself
please don't pity me
I want to give up